James Wylder, the Interview, by James Wylder, with James Wylder

Interview with James Wylder, by James Wylder

So James, its a real pleasure to talk to you.
I'm glad to be here to. So what am I here to talk to you about?

Haha, you're funny, me, so tell me about your new Kickstarter.
Well, its not that new! We're at the end of it. I'm writing a book called “James Wylder (James Wylder)” and its all about me! And you know, pretentiousness.

(You can find it here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/arcbeatle/james-wylder-james-wylder-a-book-of-eminant-preten )

How did it come about?
I'd been thinking about it for a while-- that is, what is it that make art worthy of being art? There are always jokes about being able to trick people at a modern art gallery into thinking something is art that isn't. But in doing so, that's also art, so its cyclical. The thing that really got me was how pretentious people could be about art. If you've ever gone to an art show and read the “explain the piece to me” cards, you can find some really informative stuff, but you can also find some artists who are so big in their britches you wonder how they fit in them in the first place.
I had the pleasure of stumbling into an art exhibit with some art by artists who thought they were the next Picasso, the next innovator, but were making really derivative pieces. Some of them talked about themselves and their work with this level of confidence in themselves and the deep meaning of what they'd made that I just couldn't comprehend being able to do. I had this horrible realization that I had no where near the confidence they did in what was forgettable art that I'd seen some of my high school students casually out do on the back of tests, and that if this was what being an artist meant, I wasn't sure I could do it. I couldn't put myself on that pedestal.
I always think anything I do is massively flawed, and its rare I admit anything I've made is good until years after the fact. I began to wonder, if I play acted that level of confidence, could I do that? Make art and hawk myself as a visionary with scraps? Get people to pay me to just do whatever I want?

That's actually probably the biggest criticism of James Wylder (James Wylder), that you didn't take the over confidence far enough.
Yeah, and that’s fair enough. I mean, I think it would have been easier if I'd called the book something other than my own name. Sure I definitely push it with the Kickstarter further than I do in reality, but I know people expected me to go all the way with it. I think the thing is still funny, I mean, I'm talking to myself right now that's kind of cool.

Haha, totally.
But yeah, not perfect.

So people should back the Kickstarter though?
Oh yeah, there are only a few days left and its literally the greatest book you will ever buy.

I certainly believe you! So we had some questions from your fans.
Oh good! I love those! Lets get started on them then!

What's your favorite movie from the last five years?
Tom Hooper's 2012 Les Miserables film makes an obvious and obnoxiously prevalent choice, as if you know me you know I never shut up about it. I dressed up as Combferre with my best friend as Enjolras for Halloween. I have a problem.

How familiar is James Wylder with the different possible Hispanic ethnicities?
Not as familiar as he should be, obviously, but he's learning, and has definitely learned to not lump groups of people together via assumption. At least he hopes that lesson has stuck.

How much money would someone have to pay you to get you to commit a murder?
James Wylder is largely a pacifist. You can provoke me to anger to protect people sure, I won't let people suffer if I can stop it, but I won't take a bribe to commit a murder.

Unless you're asking me commit a puppy you named murder because you're a weirdo to the dog kennel while you go on vacation, in which case twenty bucks plus the kennel fees.

Is your mouth wet for corn?
Is your mouth dry for wheat?

What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Colby Jack is the kind I eat the most. I eat a lot of it. Tons of it. Cows hate me. They revolted once, it was udderly horrible.

What inspired you to become a writer?
When I was a kid I listened to my dad read me Michael Stackpole's X-Wing Novels by my bedside. I lay there, and was taken away to the world there in a way no other story had ever captured me. I wanted to write like him, and some of my first serious stories were bad Star Wars fanfiction.

I wrote stories before that, but that was when I really knew I wanted to be a writer. I was so young, I don't know how old I was. Maybe kindergarten.

If you were going to become a super hero, what hero from the DC or Marvel universe would you want to train you?
Captain America. I'd trust Steve Rodgers with my life, and I know he'd lead me in the right direction.

Legalize it? *Hint* *Hint* *Nudge* *Nudge* *Wink* *Wink*
Marijuana arrests have locked up a statistically abhorrent number of black youth, and the legalization in some states has already started causing problems for the violent Cartels in Mexico, not to mention that we could tax the stuff and get tons of money, and we already have more dangerous stuff like cigarettes and liquor legal. It definitely should be, strangely enough, for the public good.

And let me make it clear, I am a teetotaller, I have never done drugs or smoked, and I never will.

Hypothetically, if you reincarnate after death and you're human, what ethnicity would you be?
A surprised ethnicity that apparently didn't get the afterlife it was expecting.

Correction:What ethnicity would you want to be?
One that was near enough to a good enough resource on re-incarnation I could study up and get my soul on the right spiritual track, since apparently my expectations had been off.

Do you open bananas from the top or the bottom?
Top. Even though I know the bottom is more efficient. Habit.

Do you think you could beat me on DDR?(Dance Dance Revolution)
No. I am as awkward and as uncoordinated as a drunk fawn entered into an iceskating disco competition.

What do you think of the theory that Hitler invented antigravity spaceships and escaped to the dark side of the moon?
I think that the third Reich was actually a lot farther behind than people thought, and that most of their weird super weapons were pipe dreams they never figured out how to work.

The Nazis that do live under the surface of the moon got there thanks to alien assistance, Hitler didn't invent shit.

Paper or Plastic?
Paper. Save the Earth yo.

Can we have an A?...
Stop asking me questions while you're in school! Do your work and I'll grade you on it sheesh. And why are you always standing by the projector? Regardless, at least you two, and I know who asked this question, have more hair than me.

Do you play League of Legends?
No, though lots of my friends do. I wish I had the time for it.

How much Cheese Pizza have you viewed in your entire lifetime?
I've been counting actually. 1058 pizzas. Not counting spare slices, those don't matter. They didn't tag along with a whole pie they can statistically rot.

Do you think the movie "Frozen" deserved all the hype it received?
Yes. It was a really well written, acted, scored, and animated movie that did clever things. Sure people got tired of it, but people get tired of anything if you loop it enough. People have a lot of weird anger about it getting so popular, and they need to let it go.

If I were to sexually come onto you in a sexual fashion that happens to be sexual, on a scale from 1-10, how sexual would it be?
Negative One-thousand-five-hundred-and-eighty-four-point-six-eight.

Also, what the heck.

Sorry if it is posted elsewhere, for I am an extremely lazy human being, is your "James Wylder" book an autobiography, or about being pretentious only? If anything else, please respond. That would be extremely radical.
Its both of those things. James Wylder (James Wylder) is a hybrid book: its basically an excuse for me to write anything I want to, and do anything visually I want to, without having to worry about its marketability or quality. I'll certainly be including autobiographical material, but also fun satirical fake pretentious junk, and real attempts at art. It should be a fantastic amalgamation, I just hope I get the money in the last few days to actually do some of the stranger things I have planned for it.

What do you think of the 12th Doctor?
I was astounded by Peter Capaldi's performance. Since I was a child, my favorite Doctor was Patrick Troughton. Now its Peter Capaldi. He understands the role brilliantly, and has brought new stuff to it that has really enriched the show. I hope he stays for a long time.

If you had a mixtape what would it be called?
The Hero of Rhyme Mixtape, Blue Box Edition.

So Jim, where do you live?
Elkhart, Indiana. I also live in several fictional universes where my brain wanders off to occasionally!

who shot first?
Han. The Confederacy. The British. Gavrilo Princip.

How much do you hate our class?
I don't hate any of my classes. Some of my classes can bug me with behavior sometimes, and I wish some of you were better about turning your work in, but I don't hate you. You're good kids. Everybody misbehaves sometimes, and I really hope all of you do great things. If I was going to be your teacher for the rest of the year, I'd be proud to be. I hope you all do really really well after I leave. I honestly wish the best for all of you.

How much paint do you snort prior to going to work?
None. Paint is expensive. Also I don't do drugs. Also paint is really expensive and you could paint something with it seriously, like, go paint something.

Best bioshock? 
Gah, its so hard to chose between Infinite and the original. Honestly, if it wasn't for the DLC, I'd chose Infinite, but I really didn't like Burial at Sea much, so, lets go with the original.

Where would you hide a dead body? 
The morgue.

And finally, do you believe in black jesus?
This is a really complicated question. First off, we have to distinguish what you mean by Jesus. There are two ways of thinking about Jesus: Jesus of Nazareth, a person who had a body on Earth that was physically the body of a Jewish man, and Jesus the Christ, a spiritual being who saves all of humanity.

Jesus of Nazareth is not black, he's an ethnically Jewish man from 1st Century Palestine.
Jesus the Christ is black, and Jewish, and any ethnicity. He is all of us, and saves all of us equally. Jesus the Christ is beyond skin color or birthplaces.

So yes, I believe in black Jesus the Christ.

Who's your favorite regeneration of The Doctor?
12, followed by 2.

Do you have a favorite author or poet?
Author: Michael Stackpole, Victor Hugo, or Alfred Bester, Poet: Stephen Crane

What was your first job?
Chopping wood for a Philosophy professor. He had this beautiful plot of woodland, and we would go out there on weekends and hack up his firewood. We'd take breaks and watch the bird and the stream while eating pasteries and drinking apple cider.

It was the best job I have ever had.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Pay up to $2.50.

If you had the chance to meet Seth rogan, Seth green, or Seth bowyer who would it be and why?
I'd meet Seth Green and obnoxiously try to talk my way onto Robot Chicken.

Though if I met Seth Rogan I'd thank him for his Alzheimers activism.

Do you watch anime? If so, do you have a favorite anime?
Yes! Though not much lately, sadly. Trigun is my all time favorite! Vash the Stampede!

Thank you so much for joining us Mr. Wylder.
Its been a pleasure, Mr. Wylder.

I love you.
I don't.

Wow, that's a downer, and really mean to me! Like, that's how you want to end this interview?
I do what I want!

I am you!
Shut up!

Ugh, fine, I'm going to bed.
Well... I am to then.

Fine.
Fine.

Thanks for joining me here.
Its been a pleasure.... Loser!

James Wylder's Kickstarter for his upcoming Book "James Wylder (James Wylder)" Is in its last few days of funding! Please help support making this crazy amazing book possible!

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